Attention Sexual Criminals: Tim Todd would prefer to be sexually assaulted bareback, as condoms most definitely do not prevent the transmission of STDs. Especially not in criminal-to-preacher transmissions, so don't even bother.

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"Wash away your pain, let me into your monkey brain! Sick dreams are made of fleas, moldy breath, and schoolyard cheese!" ~ Madonna Dahmer

WagglePiece theatre is decidedly anti-Toby Keith, and our Alaskan correspondent, Derek, reports on Alaskan things, like conserving urine and selling hot dogs from abandoned school buses.

Read Derek's news articles on politics at The Northern Light newspaper.